When a kangaroo goes bad

Kylie the criminal kangaroo
pockets lots of things she oughtn’t to.

A Vegemite sandwich, a kazoo,
little bottles of hotel shampoo…

She's a burglar full of derring-do.
She fills her pouch 'til it's busting through

with watches she's pilfered in plain view
and a wallet she stole while at the zoo.

Don't leave her with your pet cockatoo,
Her paws are quick and she knows kung fu.

Careful - her next victim might be you!
Kylie, the criminal kangaroo.

Copyright 2020 - Elayne Crain


The handle’s cracked; the spokes are askew.
The color’s faded; it smells like mildew.

The fabric’s torn; it gets blown inside-out.
The metal’s rusty; the thread's falling out.

The button won't open; nor will it shut.
The whole thing is dirty; the Velcro's kaput.

But before you toss it, remember one thing:
when it’s raining hard, it's better than nothing!

Copyright 2020 - Elayne Crain

Shell shock

Annabelle was walking on the beach
when she found a shell.

It was really very beautiful
and quite large, as well.

She held it right against her head,
to try to hear the sea.

A crab came out and pinched her ear, saying,
"Don't eavesdrop on me!"

Copyright 2020 - Elayne Crain

Soap opera star

As I was singing in the bath,
shampoo got in my eyes

and I hit some very high notes
much to my surprise!

Whether my song’s your cup of tea
or if it hurts your ears…

singing that soap opera – well,
it moved me to tears!

Copyright 2020 - Elayne Crain

The patient bacteria*

When the Chinese chicken hit the floor,
we were hungry right away.

But germs know the 10-second rule;
we live it every day.

One second, two seconds, then three…
time slowly ticks on by.

Now it's four, five Mississippi -
and still, we all comply.

six seconds, seven and eight - a wait
as long as the Amazon!

Nine…aww, man! He picked it up!
So long, our sweet Szechuan.

* Author’s note:
Biologists say all food gets contaminated
by germs or bacteria the moment it touches 
them. Sad, sad news for us clumsy eaters.

Copyright 2020 - Elayne Crain